Chapter 23

Good as drink is, it ends in thirst

Irish Proverb

From:  

so we meeting tonight?

From:  

i really want to see you

but i think this week will be hard

From:  

well let’s see … you want to see me … how about on your way home tonight

From:  

it’s going to be late

sunday? i don’t know

From:  

you really want it dont you … 

The idea of having Nick so at bay was a decadent thrill that, like a juicy page-turner of a mystery novel she simply could not lay to rest. This ironic twist of power lulled her into a delightful state of comfort and security that she had not up to that point known with him. The options to have or be had, to play or be played, danced in synchronous harmony before her eyes like Can-Can girls in a Las Vegas nightclub. It was all so clear now, how Nick had been mischievously dealing the hands this whole time. Except now it was she who was the house, and the chips were most definitely stacked in her favor.

From:  

sorry i didn’t respond

our server’s been down since yesterday

From:  

SO TONIGHT OR ??

From:  

i think i’ll be studying until late tonight

From:  

so let’s meet and eat and …

From:  

next week, promise

A couple of days went by. She found herself hungering for a light snack. Nothing too filling. Just a nibble. A naughty little taste of more of Nick’s forbidden fruit. She wondered how long she could succeed in having everything on her terms, just as Nick had managed to have with her for so long. She wondered exactly when the tides would turn, and when the power would be shifted to a different set of fortuitous hands. Perhaps she could find a way to keep the game going indefinitely, like leading a horse with a dangling carrot or sugar cane to the ends of the earth.

From:  

do i have a chance for redemption?

From:  

anytime

what do think about tomorrow night

From:  

yes

From:  

so tomorrow night we meet up and do it all!!!

what do you want to do?

From:  

i want to make you feel good

From:  

so tomorrow night is it … where do you want to go?

From:  

wherever the winds and the tides carry us

She did not hear from Nick until the following morning, an early bird still seemingly intent on catching the worm… 

From:  

Hmm … the ack of my car?

From:  

if we can find the “ack” of your car, then more power to us

From:  

i meant back of it.  

She was thoroughly enjoying the flirtation, yet still ambivalent about seeing him in person. She used the busy day she had ahead of her as an excuse to cut their e-mail correspondence short.  She decided to passively wait for him to reach out again to her, for if he wanted her as much as he seemed to, she would undoubtedly hear from him.

The evening came and went.

There were no phone calls.

There were no visits.

There was only an aura of mild curiosity circling around her as she drove home late the following evening from the library along the darkened, vacant highway. She felt no real disappointment, though, which only added to the already existing sense of command that she had been harboring for days.  She knew that what had happened the previous night was the result of an unwritten standoff between her and Nick. He had been hoping to regain the power he realized he had lost, at least for now. What he didn’t realize was that she wasn’t about to give it back to him anytime soon. She was having far too much fun.

She initiated another flurry of e-mail messages the next day, a flurry of coolness on her end and coolness on Nick’s end and no signs of breakthrough or resolution for either one of them. The battle of their respective egos had caused them both to lose an evening or two. Such a loss would have been devastating to her months or even weeks earlier, but for now it was just some annoyingly misplaced time. Because she knew deep down that this was all it was to Nick. Annoyingly misplaced time.

From:  

friday night?

From:  

possibly, but you’ve got to call me! i do not possess a crystal ball!

From:  

well you know my cell number

From:  

just let me know which night is best

From:  

friday night

i know you want mine bad

From:  

and i know you want me

From:  

yes i do

Friday night came, and Friday night went with a courtesy call from Lori explaining that she was too busy with her studies to make it happen. For the next several weeks, there were many nights like Friday night, interspersed between daily e-mail exchanges shamelessly and exhaustively expressing the most profound of each of their carnal desires. Generally, she found herself looking more forward to the promise of fantasy in their cyberspace exchanges than to the inevitable anticlimactic reality of their occasional unions. Yet even their e-mail correspondence was tainted by Nick’s age-old tradition of turning up the heat and intensity to almost unbearably high levels, only to extinguish her with frosty silence on any given, random day. 

His world seemed meaningless to Lori, an endless circle of repetition with no real beginning and no definitive end. Whether it was the mysterious Mona seeking fleeting solace and refuge in the musty basement of his faceless papa, or Lori Solomon snapping painfully back like an elastic rubber band wrapped around his thumb and forefinger, his world seemed to be very, very cyclical.  And very, very empty.

It was Nick’s tradition to whip into her life like a tornado, and cause confusion, folly, and mayhem.  And only as the cloudy dust was just starting to settle back in its place, would Nick disappear like a child’s hot breath swept up by a gentle breeze on a crisp autumn day.

(stay tuned for chapter 24…)

Here is a link to a real-life illustration of a challenging relationship dynamic, entitled “Reeling.”

And here are some other interesting and pertinent links:

DeMars Coaching – YouTube (DeMars Coaching)

Surviving Narcissism – YouTube (Dr. Les Carter)

NARCDAILY- You Are Not Alone – YouTube (NARCDAILY- You Are Not Alone)

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc – YouTube (Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc)

DoctorRamani – YouTube (DoctorRamani)