Youtube link to audiobook of Chapter 21 and the rest of the book!

Chapter 21

Think with the wise but walk with the vulgar

German Proverb

From:

Subject:  Do ants eat pee?

To:

Dear Lori,

Babette’s clinging to our little “thing,” and I just don’t have the heart to tell her that we’re at the end of the road.  The problem is, Lori, that I want it BOTH ways, you know? I don’t want to totally be rid of her, because I do like traveling out to see her occasionally, but it’s not fair to anybody to continue like this.  Right now all I’ve been doing is blowing it off and discouraging her from coming here, and even though she invited me out there I keep coming up with excuses why I can’t do it.  I guess neither one of us just wants to say “seeya!” like we should.  All I know is that I’m sick of the whole thing, and believe it or not I do feel guilty about wanting to get involved with other people while she’s out there thinking that there is some chance we’ll eventually be together or something.  I’m tired of these goofy “relationships” I’ve been having … married women, dysfunctional psychos, McDonalds drive-thru cashiers … You name it.  All I want is a girl who is around my own age, has a sense of humor, lets me play Pac Man until three AM, and isn’t afraid to slap me in the head and tell me to get a life. Is that too much to ask?! She doesn’t have to be a Swedish aerobics instructor, for Christ’s sake, although I could probably be persuaded to quit playing Pac Man should one come along.

Rutherford

From:

Subject:  Re:

To:

I keep thinking about Nick.

Lori

From:

Subject: Wishful thinkin’

To:

Lori, if I live to be a hundred years old, I’ll never figure out what your deal is with this guy.  Nick just wants to get laid, Lori.  Do you understand? I guarantee you that he laughs at you behind your back and probably tells all of his friends what a ditz you are.  Believe me, I know.  Stop wasting your time thinking about that idiot.  Mark me words. I know you won’t listen, but you need to just ignore that guy. Don’t talk to him, don’t look at him, don’t answer or even OPEN his e-mails, hang-up on him if he calls you; do whatever you gotta do. ANY ENERGY WHATSOEVER that you contribute to this crap is only going to let him know that you still want him.  Even if you walked up to him and spit in his face and kicked him in the crotch that would STILL be giving him attention and thus encouraging his advances.  Trust me.

I’ll talk more later. 

OY VEY!

Rutherford

Ditz? Did he call her a ditz? Lori had taken some hard hits from Rutherford before, but never like this.  She started writing her response to him, and then erased it. Then she started writing again.  She drew a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and walked away from the computer for a few minutes to calm down.

From:

Subject:  Re:

To:

Is that what YOU do with all the girls you’ve had your way with? Laugh at them behind their backs, and giggle to all your friends about what ditzes they are??

Lori

From:

Subject:  Re: angry e-mail #1

To:

No.  That’s not what I do, but I know plenty of guys who do.

From:

Subject:  Re:

To:

I’ve been looking at you as this almost guru of the soul-less numbskulls out there… Trying so hard to get some insight. But you know? I think every situation is different.  Every person is different.  I may never be able to really understand why I’ve had what I’ve had with this guy, but I don’t think I’m going to get anymore answers about it by looking to you for them.

Yes, I’m pissed.  You hit a nerve.

I have enough guys in my life supposedly trying to “demean me” without needing you to make me feel like a complete moron.

Lori

From:

Subject:  Re: angry e-mail #2

To:

Every person and every situation is not necessarily that different, incidentally.  There are patterns of human gender-specific behavior that are age-old and completely predictable.  One of them is for people to get highly defensive and angry when you tell them something they don’t want to hear.  I’d hope you’d respect the fact that I don’t sit here and gloss-over anything.  What do you expect me to say?  “Gee, that Nick sounds like such a nice guy with good intentions?”  Do you BELIEVE that?  Think of it this way…if he really GAVE a crap about you, do you think he’d be making your life so difficult?  Once again, I apologize if you feel that I’ve insulted your intelligence, but frankly I’m disturbed by how much energy you waste thinking about that knucklehead.  If you think I’m WRONG about this, then do what you’ve gotta do and I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on and we’ll see what happens. 

I’m certainly not trying to “demean” you in any way.  I should have known that you’d get so angry eventually.  In fact, when I sent that e-mail, I said, “uh-oh” right afterwards. I wasn’t using my head, I admit, but that’s not to say that I’m retracting the gist of what I said.  I just wish I’d said it differently.

Oh, come on! Don’t get so mad at me! You know I love you!  I just word things in an insensitive way sometimes (or maybe all the time).  You’re my only real female confidante, and I don’t want you to hate me or feel like you can’t talk to me.  Don’t you realize that if two people of opposing genders can be totally HONEST with each other about their respective situations and perspectives that it might be a major breakthrough for all humanity?  The two of us could be pioneers in the reconciliation of the male/female conflict, I hope.

Rutherford

From:

Subject:  Re:

To:

He’s been a strange figment in my life that I just haven’t been able to figure out what to do with.  All I can say is that by distancing myself from all of this for a little while, I’m hoping to get back on track.

Lori

From:

Subject:  Calling all dorks

To:

Okay. As aMALE, I know EXACTLY what that Nick clown is up to, and I find it absolutely stupefying that girls can get caught up in such horsecrap.  I don’t even need to MEET the guy, Lori.  I know his whole game, and in fact, as you pointed out, I’ve played the same cards myself.  The problem is, I certainly don’t LIKE the fact that such a game is played, and when I see female friends of mine being manipulated I get this “father” complex or something and I want to grab you by the arms and shake you and scream “He’s a DICK! He doesn’t CARE about you! Wake UP!” I apologize for being judgmental. I just want you to be happy and free of internal conflict.  

Anyway, I’ll try not to be judgmental.  It’ll never work, of course, but I’ll try.  You aren’t the first person to rip me for being arrogant and insensitive, but I swear to God I don’t do it maliciously.  It’s only because I like you so much… really…

Until later, I remain…

Rutherford

From:

Subject:  Re:

To:

It still amazes me that guys will go to such lengths for a one-time thing. It just seems so empty and fruitless. I’d understand if the chase led to something more substantial, something with a little longevity and depth. But … What’s the point? I mean, if the relationship is good, wouldn’t the guy want a steady diet of it? I wish you, as a guy who has apparently done this in the past, would explain it to me. What’s the allure? Surely there must have been SOME redeeming qualities in the girls that you were drawn to? 

Does a guy with this type of mindset have the ability to care about a girl? Or is a womanizer completely clueless about connecting or communicating with a woman? What about loneliness? 

I wish I could be a guy, with that kind of guy’s brain, for just one day. Just one day. So I could understand.

Lori

From:

Subject:  Recalling all dorks

To:

A guy’s “brain” is not what you need to understand us.  You need to have a PENIS for a while.  The brain and the penis are mutually exclusive entities.  You have no idea how hard it is to have a penis (sorry, couldn’t resist that one).

It’s all a matter of biology and evolution, plain and simple and easy.  Males of ALL species are genetically predisposed to release massive amounts of sperm in any direction possible to fertilize as many eggies as possible to keep the chain of life going.  Females, on the other hand, only produce small amounts of eggies to be fertilized, and then there is a long period not only of gestation but of care for the offspring as well, so obviously it is in the female interest to look for something “with a little longevity,” as you put it.  That’s IT.  That explains all male and female behavior in my opinion, period.  Of course, humans, unlike other species, DO have some rudimentary sense of morality, responsibility, loyalty, right, wrong, etc. etc., that tends to complicate our matters far more than what happens in the “brute” kingdom; but that will NEVER change our brute nature.  You can’t beat it. You can only hope to contain it.

I must go now.  My friend Dan just showed up, and we’re going to drink beer, get baked, eat some cheese and Mako Shark, and go “ugh! ugh! ugh!” and talk about how much we need to get laid.

Rutherford

(stay tuned for chapter 22…)

Here is a link to a real-life illustration of a challenging relationship dynamic, entitled “Reeling.”

And here are some other interesting and pertinent links:

DeMars Coaching – YouTube (DeMars Coaching)

Surviving Narcissism – YouTube (Dr. Les Carter)

NARCDAILY- You Are Not Alone – YouTube (NARCDAILY- You Are Not Alone)

Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc – YouTube (Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc)

DoctorRamani – YouTube (DoctorRamani)