Link to the Youtube video and the rest of the series!

As her fans know, Siggie looks up to the Greats, the Terribles and even the Impalers of the past. She hopes to learn what it takes to someday make the history books herself!

Episode 3 (Part 2) is the conclusion of a two part series about Attila the Hun (c. 406-453 A.D.), yet another legendary military leader and ruler of the Hunnic Empire in central Europe from 434 to 453. Here Siggie describes the death of the Huns’ co-ruler (and Attila’s brother) Bleda. Then she describes Attila’s historic attack of Gaul, culminating in the famous Battle of Catalaunian Plains. Siggie tells how Attila’s involvement with Emperor Valentinian III and his sister Honoria contributed to the Fall of the Western Roman Empire. And finally, she discusses the untimely and shocking death of Attila the Hun. Cameo appearance in this episode by Siggie’s twin brother, Ulf. Cameo appearance in the first episode by Dots, his relationship to Siggie unknown as he was the result of a test tube baby experiment gone awry.

All right. In 444, maybe 445 AD. I don’t know. I’ve seen both dates. Who knows. Attila’s

brother died, and at this point Attila was the supreme ruler of the

Hun Empire. But let’s be real, okay? “Died” is a very nice way of putting it.

According to accounts, Attila brutally murdered his brother, Bleda, so that he could

be the solo ruler. Nice guy, right? Love it. So, being the sole ruler of the Huns,

he was weirdly humble. He almost had this one poet who had compared him to a god…

He almost had him killed. See, I would not know how to handle this guy. I would

be terrified of him. I’d want to use flattery to get on his good side, but I wouldn’t want

to be too flattering because he’d kill me. So, what does one do with this? And I wonder what

kind of personality disorder would Attila be diagnosed with if he was alive

today? Cuz everybody’s diagnosed with some kind of personality disorder today.

Attila believed at one point that he found the sword of God with great power.

It was a sword that was previously partially buried and it was his

destiny to conquer the entire world. By the middle of the fifth century, the

Huns had complete control of the Balkans and a vast area to the east and

south of the Danube. The Romans were absolutely terrified of Attila. In 450 AD,

this lady, I think it’s pronounced “Anor-ee-ya” but it’s spelled “H-o-n-o-r-i-a.” She

was the sister of Valentinian III, the emperor of the Western Roman Empire. She

was under a type of house arrest after being caught in a kind of sexual scandal.

She was married off to someone that she absolutely did not want to be married to.

She asked Attila to help her out of this predicament. She asked him if he

would marry her. He asked Valentinian for her hand, but he refused, sending Attila

gifts instead to try to appease him. Attila was demanding and threatening… He got

gifts from terrified, shaken ambassadors in return.

In 450 AD, Attila faced Aetius in battle. Here is where we get to

this really big battle. It was actually the first major setback for

Attila. This was the Battle of the Catalonian Plains. Attila announced that

he was launching a war against the Hun’s enemy, the Visigoths. Now who are the Visigoths? 

They were a Germanic people or tribal groups who lived in Europe in the classical age

between the 8th Century BC and the 5th Century AD. They lived under the rule of

a king in the Roman Empire. The Visigoths were in Gaul. Remember with Julius Caesar, Gaul?

It was a major, major battle zone, which according to the Romans was part of the Roman

Empire. And the Romans did not want to lose their precious Gaul to the Huns. Aetius

just didn’t have any kind of like military strength to really face Attila

alone. His only hope was to get the Visigoths to kind of, you know, unite with

the Romans against the Huns. You know, he kind of convinced them, “Hey, why don’t you

guys just set your difference aside and become friends?” Attila invaded Gaul. He

crossed the Rhine in 451 AD. Once he reached a place called “The Catalonian Plains,” he

had quite a bit of difficulty organizing his huge multi-tribal army. Tons of

cultures are very, very difficult to unify. The Romans and the Visigoths at this point

put up quite the fight. There were lots of losses on both sides. Attila

suffered his first major setback. Both sides withdrew after getting their butts

kicked. This includes the Huns as well as the Visigoths. 

Now, getting back to Honoria… Remember her? Attila demanded that

Valentinian release her and give up half of Italy as her dowery. Valentinian tried

to call Attila’s bluff and that set Attila and his army in motion. Aegeus

suggested that Valentinian might, you know, try to like maybe… I don’t know…

abandon Italy. Maybe move the capital to Gaul. Valentinian said “Nah.” He fled to Rome,

prayed hard to the gods. Attila kicked Northern Italy’s butt… Lots of death.

Valentinian and Aegeus basically were in a position to beg Attila for peace. The timing

was good since Attila’s army was suffering from plague. They really

weren’t in the best of shape. They were also having difficulty with the

terrain of Italy. So, Attila agreed to withdraw from Italy. He honestly

didn’t want to destroy Rome, even though he wasn’t a fan of Rome. And that’s

because Rome was a huge source of wealth and power. Fast forward to 452 AD. Attila

returned to his homeland. He, now in his mid-50’s, married in 453 AD, and this

was the beginning of the end for Attila. He died on his wedding night. Attila

suffered a hemorrhage of the nose after eating and drinking. One could

argue having too much fun, because this was his demise. He was buried somewhere in

some river, washed over his grave. Nobody knows where he’s buried. [Whatever

happened to Aetius?] It didn’t end well for him because he got into it with

Valentinian and he got killed. But there’s a thing called karma. Valentinian

got his butt kicked by Aetius’s bodyguards and that was pretty much it for the

Western Roman Empire. Some people claim that Honoria was responsible for the

demise of it. [Because she got Attila going.] On the other hand, I believe

believe that the scholars are wrong who are painting Honoria to have so much

power over the Western Roman Empire. I mean, here’s the thing. Attila was showing

absolutely no signs of slowing down. He, he had his plans. He was going to keep

doing what he was doing his whole life… pillage, destroy, kill and collect a lot

of wealth. Rinse, wash, repeat. That’s all this guy wanted to do and then nature

stepped in when he had his hemorrhage on his wedding night. And that that was

it. But if that didn’t happen, the world could be a very different place today.

We would be doing everything on horses. I mean everything. [It’s already centered

around horses’ asses…] Shut up Ulf! This is my video! [After Attila, what happened to the

Huns?] They pretty much petered out and collapsed. [So, his sons didn’t really have it.]

No, they didn’t have it and you know just didn’t. It didn’t end well for the Huns.